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Today is another edition of Works-For-Me Wednesday Backwards Edition hosted by Shannon over at Rocks in My Dryer. Instead of offering a tip to other readers, today I get to solicit advice. And oh, do I need advice!My little girl is 3 years old and is pretty mild manner and compliant. However, she’s reached the age where she wants to own all the fun things she sees in stores. We actually avoid the toy section of stores so it’s not necessarily even toys that catch her eye. It’s the cute pink shirt, the cute butterfly bed sheets and the like. Can you tell she’s a girly girl?
The conversation usually goes something like this “Look, Mommy! This shirt is so cute!” I respond, “Yes, it is cute.” She requests, “Can we just take it home?” I squash her dreams by responding, “No. Not today.”
Typically, she’s okay with that answer. Sometime she fake pouts or displays another pitiful expression. The problem is we have this conversation 20+ times per outing. It is just draining. And soon, my son will be joining in and he’s not as mild mannered as my daughter is. I feel like I have to establish our guidelines now before this spins way out of control.
So there you have it. For all you experienced mommies, is there a better way to do this? Do I just tell her she can’t ask because we don’t purchase anything that’s not on our list? (I do deviate from my list for bargain items).
Thanks for your words of wisdom and be sure to share your advice with others over at Rocks in My Dryer!
9 comments:
I always like to validate my kiddos before dashing their dreams. :) In other words, I will say, "That is really cool. Too bad we can't buy that today." Sometimes I will ask if they brought their money. That tends to stop the conversation because they never bring their money and they haven't quite figured out that they can "borrow" from me.
I carry my camera in my purse and one time my son asked if I would take a pic of the human sized stuffed bunny of his dreams before we put it back on the counter. Sure.
Sometimes I will ask if that (whatever it is) would make a good present to ask Santa for. (Or get for your birthday, etc.)
Good luck!
I can't say I've ever tried the photo thing that totallyscrappy mentioned--sounds interesting. The other suggestions are all things that I might try, though.
Generally, when I notice a character issue such as this, I try to be proactive and teach the kids "what God says" BEFOREHAND about a certain topic/behavior--this should affect how we think AND, later, how we behave.
We have issues with "covetousness" as well. So (in an off-moment, NOT "in the heat of the moment") we will talk about:
Making wise decisions (thinking/praying about purchases first)--Proverbs 12:15, Ephesians 5:15-17
Using our resources wisely (Do I need it, can I make better use of what I already have, might I just need to be patient--wait for a birthday/occasion, etc., or do I want to save up my own money to buy this?)--Proverbs 21:20, Luke 12:42
Being thankful for what we already have/not being greedy.--Hebrews 13:5, Colossians 3:5 and 3:16, Psalm 100:4, 1 Timothy 6:6-8, and of course Exodus 20:17--don't covet.
Of course, there would be more Sciptures to explore, but these are just a few. With these foundational teachings already in place, if we are out & about and the "I wants" attack, I will just remind them of these general principles/teachings from God's Word and guide them through what to do/how to respond to this desire.
I also remind them that God wants us to put Him first--but that, if our hearts are right with Him, He certainly does enjoy blessing us. So we focus, in all things, on the HEART. This is a slow process of discipleship, but it has produced consistent fruit.
My almost 5 yo has just started this. I simply explained that it hurts Mamma and Daddy's feelings when he always asks for things because we can't always afford to buy them. It also causes us to think he doesn't appreciate the toys he does have. We have also discussed how other children in 3rd world countries have only 1 toy, if any at all. Luckily his Sunday school class is sponsoring children in Africa and since then, he hasn't been so eager to ask for new things.
PS - I love the idea of taking pictures of it. What a great way to remember the toys for Christmas, birthdays, etc.
Haven't had to deal with that a whole lot yet...my boy often wants things but usually want he wants are toys that are aged to high for him, and I just say..."oh buddy, you're not old enough for that yet".
Friends of mine had a daughter like that who liked to get things. They established a policy of..."if you ask for it without being invited to, you don't get it" Period. They had to do to establish consistency.
We tend to stay away from the "we can't afford it" I just feel like the kids don't really need to know what we can or can not afford. However, the explination usually starts in the car, "We are going to the store to buy the things we need" this becomes an interactive game of needs vs. wants.
Do we need food? Yes we have to eat to live, Do we need toys? no our room is full of toys. Do we need new clothes? Well, my jeans have a hole in the knee. Jeez, so this will lead to ok, this weekend or next weekend (because Lord knows the child has more than one pair of jeans) we will get you a couple of new jeans and maybe a shirt or two. Of course this is carried out in the store, "I wnat this" "Do you need that, can you live with out it?" For some reason it is always my 6 yo that says that's not fair, but the 5 yo responds, "lifes not fair". YOu have to laugh at that.
What we did when our kids were the age of your little one was to make it clear before we went into a store what we were there for. "We are here to buy X, Y, and Z. We are not buying anything else today." And absolutely stick with it. They were allowed to notice or admire something but NOT ask for it. If the problem continues for you, I'd make a rule that if she asks for something or pouts, she doesn't get to go on the next shopping trip. Honestly, we avoided a lot of the "gimmes" when our kids were little by just not taking them along; one of us would do the necessary shopping alone.
We always just say, that is cool -- let's put it on your birthday list, or Christmas list or whatever. I've also given them a little notebook to write things down. I try to set a good example by sticking to my own list.
I posted about this issue last summer. Here's the link:
http://blog.o2bnaz.com/2007/07/wfmw-saying-no-in-store.html
We have a family rule that it is not okay to ask for things in a store. This way we can indeed concur that xyz is cute, without slipping into the requests. If someone does ask for something, they lose the privilege of talking until we leave the store.
Works for us.
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